Respecting Those Without a Voice

“Dad, I need to take away your car keys.”

“We can’t take care of Mom anymore. We need to look at homes for her.”

“If I end up like that, just pull the plug.”

Tough decisions are made even harder when it’s for someone you love who is not capable of giving their opinion. Whether your loved one is an aging parent, someone afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s, a stroke victim, disabled child or someone with a severe brain injury, making the ‘right’ decision is never easy, but it can be done.

Viki Kind, bioethicist and author of the new book The Caregiver’s Path to Compassionate Decision Making: Making Choices for Those Who Can’t, has written a resource for families and professionals alike. Kind has developed an adaptable system for making caregiver decisions. Asking questions and using specific strategies, Kind empowers readers to make the decisions that need to be made.

Kind’s book is a process book to be used as a tool in making tough decisions. Each step of the way, it can be referred to as situations change; from simply taking away the car keys to making difficult end-of-life decisions.

Kind uses “The Platinum Rule – treat people as they would like to be treated” for making the tough decisions.

The Caregiver’s Path helps you speak for someone who can no longer speak for himself or herself by respecting what was important to that person.

For more information, visit her website: www.thecaregiverspath.com.

The Lost Art of the Thank You Note

Writing a sincere thank you note is one of the almost-lost skills we need to renew. People like being appreciated. One of Dale Carnegie’s fundamental human relation principles is “Give honest, sincere appreciation.” The card or stationery is not as important as the effort – just write the note! Use this six-step formula as a sure-fire method of expressing appreciation in a written note.

1. Greet The Giver. Dear Jamie. It seems like an obvious point, yet many people will begin a note with “Hi” or even omit the greeting.

2. Express Gratitude. “Thank you so much for the book.” The key is to keep it simple and specific, creating an expression of a heartfelt sentiment.

3. Discuss Use. “I started to use the ___ immediately.” People like to know that you found their gesture or gift valuable. Sharing how you are using the item or idea makes their effort more meaningful.

4. Another Thank You. Thank them again for the gift. It’s not excessive to say thanks again.

5. Complimentary Close. Wrap it up with a close that expresses your final thought: Lovingly, Gratefully, etc. Then sign your name.

6.  Send It. Even if your family and acquaintances are not of the note-writing variety, be the one who sets the precedent.

It is still the mark of good manners to write thank you notes in this age of e-mail, voicemail and text messaging.

Social Security Questions Answered

Q: How many Social Security numbers have been issued since the program started?

A: Social Security celebrates its 75th anniversary on August 14, 2010. Since numbers were first issued in November 1936, we have assigned about 460 million numbers. There are more than one billion possible combinations of the 9-digit Social Security number. Visit www.socialsecurity.gov/history/ssn/ssncards.html for a complete history of the Social Security number.

Q: How do I change my citizenship status on Social Security’s records?

A: To change your citizenship status shown in Social Security records:

1. Complete an application for a Social Security card (Form SS-5), which you can find online at www.socialsecurity.gov/online/ss-5.html, and:

2. Locate documents proving your:

• New or revised citizenship status (Only certain documents can be accepted as proof of citizenship. These include your U.S. passport, a Certificate of Naturalization or a Certificate of Citizenship. If you are not a U.S. citizen, Social Security will ask to see your current immigration documents).

• Age.

• Identity.

Then take (or mail) your completed application and documents to your local Social Security office.

All documents must be either originals or copies certified by the issuing agency. They cannot accept photocopies or notarized copies of documents. For more information, please visit www.socialsecurity.gov.

Quick Stories About Aging Well

Brains Hard at Work

Seven years ago, Art Koff, now 75, created a niche job board for older adults called RetiredBrains.com. It now receives thousands of visitors daily and the company employs seven people.

Art is an example of those in this demographic group who have found success by creating a business that targets the needs of its peers.

From a Wall Street Journal article, Feb. 16, 2010, “Older Entrepreneurs Target Peers.”

World’s Oldest Bodybuilder

At 73, Ernestine Shepherd is a grandmother and Guinness World Records’ oldest female bodybuilder. Ernestine began exercising at 56 and began running in 2007. She has now completed eight marathons, posed for Essence magazine and took first place in 2008 in her class at the Tournament of Champion’s bodybuilding competition.

“Body Building Grandma Ernestine Shepherd Bench Presses, Runs Marathons at 73” on ABC News.

Budget Cuts, Parks, and Retirees

The budget cuts and demands facing the nation’s parks and recreation sites have forced managers to deal with choices such as having to choose between managing oil and gas permits and maintaining a trail. Cadres of retired volunteers who enjoy travel and being with people and find deep rewards from helping, are making up the difference. They keep recreation sites afloat by providing as much as 20 – 30 service hours per week, leading nature walks, guiding visitors and performing other tasks. The volunteers socialize after hours, stay in touch via social networking sites and sometimes even find new romance.

From “Retirees Trade Work for Rent at Cash-Poor Parks,” The New York Times, Feb. 17, 2010.

Elder Law Answers

Q: My mother is currently on Medicaid. She has Alzheimer’s disease. We have been informed that she will be receiving an inheritance from a recently deceased family member. How does this work with Medicaid? I know that she will no longer will be eligible for Medicaid. But what happens with this money? Do they have the right to monitor her money or tell us how this money can be used?

A: You have it right. When your mother receives her inheritance, you or whoever is representing her will have to inform the Medicaid agency for your state. Medicaid coverage will then end until she has again spent down her money to the countable asset limit, $2,000 in many states. The money can be spent for anything that will benefit your mother, including prepaying her funeral, travel, dining out, clothes, television, DVD players and paying off any debts she may have. In most cases, your mother cannot make gifts with her money. However, there are some exceptions to this rule and in some states, good planning techniques exist that may permit some gifting. To be sure, you will need to consult with a qualified elder law attorney in your state.

How to Know If Youre in the Happiness Flow?

From Harvard Medical School HealthBeat comes this brief description of the health-happiness flow:

• You lose awareness of time. You aren’t watching the clock, and hours can pass like minutes. As filmmaker George Lucas puts it, talent is “a combination of something you love a great deal and something you can lose yourself in – something that you can start at 9 o’clock, look up from your work and it’s 10 o’clock at night...”

• You aren’t thinking about yourself. You aren’t focused on your comfort, and you aren’t wondering how you look or how your actions will be perceived by others. Your awareness of yourself is only in relation to the activity itself, such as your fingers on a piano keyboard, or the way you position a knife to cut vegetables.

• You aren’t interrupted by extraneous thoughts. You aren’t thinking about such mundane matters as your shopping list or what to wear tomorrow.

• You are active. Flow activities aren’t passive, and you have some control over what you are doing.

• You work effortlessly. Flow activities require effort (usually more effort than involved in typical daily experience). Although you may be working harder than usual, at flow moments everything is “clicking” and feels almost effortless.

So, there you have it – are you happy? If not, take one of the steps at a time and find a way to make it happen.

Disaster-Proof Your Money

Disasters can happen suddenly and without warning. When severe weather strikes, you want the comfort of knowing you’re ready for the worst.

As you make emergency plans – including storing essentials like water, food and other supplies – the U.S. Department of the Treasury and the American Red Cross encourage you to make certain your money is disaster-ready, too. If you receive a Social Security payment by paper check, consider switching to direct deposit.

Safer, more reliable

Direct deposit is the safest, most reliable way to receive a federal benefit payment.

“Nine times out of 10, when there is a problem with a Social Security payment, it is with a paper check, not a direct deposit payment,” says David A. Lebryk, commissioner of the Treasury Department’s Financial Management Service.

Eight in 10 Americans say direct deposit is more reliable in the event of a disaster, according to Treasury Department research. Yet, about 10.5 million senior citizens, people with disabilities and others still get their Social Security and Supplemental Security Income (SSI) payments by paper check each month – opening themselves up to delays and other check-related problems.

Lessons from the front lines

“The American Red Cross touches millions of lives each year – people depend on our volunteers and employees during many types of disasters,” says Scott Conner, American Red Cross senior vice president, Preparedness and Health and Safety Services. “If you lose mail service or are evacuated in the aftermath of a severe weather event – be it a tornado, wildfire, earthquake or flood – the last thing you should have to worry about is your federal benefit payment being delayed when you need it most.”

In the case of Hurricane Katrina, for example, federal benefit recipients living along the Gulf Coast were within days of receiving their next payment when the hurricane made landfall. Tens of thousands of emergency payments had to be issued to evacuees, while those who were already using direct deposit had immediate access to their funds from virtually anywhere through automated teller machines and financial institution networks.

In recent years, severe weather has caused alternative delivery arrangements for millions of Social Security and SSI paper checks.

Direct deposit is automatic

With direct deposit, your money is automatically deposited to your bank or credit union account on payment day. With it, you have the peace of mind that comes with knowing your money is there for you when you need it, no matter the weather.

It’s easy to switch

Making the switch is easy through the Treasury Department’s Go Direct campaign toll-free helpline, 1-800-333-1795, or website, GoDirect.org.

If you prefer a prepaid debit card option, consider signing up for the Treasury-recommended Direct Express Debit MasterCard card. The Direct Express card is a safe, easy alternative to paper checks, and no bank account is required. There’s no sign-up fee, no credit check and no monthly fee. Some fees for optional services may apply. To learn more about fees and features, call 1-877-212-9991 or visit USDirectExpress.com. (Info from ARAcontent)